[ it's a weak one, he says, and something about that makes her let out a soft huff of a laugh, her expression sympathetic. that's not something she's ever thought herself as and she couldn't relate but... ]
So? [ as if the revelation wasn't that big of a deal. as if it didn't bother her in the slightest. she even shrugs her shoulders. ] Funny thing about that is... if you think you're a weak person, you can change that.
[ she reaches to take one of his shaking hands. ] You don't have to be weak, though I have a feeling you're not as weak as you think you are.
[ Something about the response shut him down. And though she wasn't saying the thing that he heard, he heard it. He didn't even hear the rest of what she said. Just change yourself, was what he heard. "Get over it". "Just do better". Like it was so easy. Like he could simply unfuck himself as if he hadn't tried. Just like all the people from years long past. Wounds as far back as teenagehood. He's done talking. He hadn't even began, really. But that was enough. It was enough. Fucking idiot that he was. This always happened. Wrench looked up. No, no he doesn't believe it. he doesn't believe it for a moment ]
I did. [ His demeanor seemed... how to say? Detached, maybe. No, angry. That kind of familiar anger that happened to cover up the wounds. Fuck Reggie. Maybe he's done with being him for good. He'll walk back to a workbench. Fuck around with something he'd been working on like it mattered any. ] I made Wrench. [ A beat. ] You should leave before I say or do things I regret.
[ Sharon picks up on the shift in his demeanor almost instantly and stands up a little taller. She fucked up. She said the wrong thing. That's not unusual. That's what she does. She opens her big fucking mouth and thinks she's being thoughtful and... She grinds her teeth together and falls silent.
She watches his back as he fiddles away at his workbench, throat suddenly tight. Uncertain of what to say. Whether she should fight him on this or not. His omen had been worried and... Fucking hell, Da Silva. ]
No. [ She finally grinds out the word, voice thick with concern. ] You're not doing well and I'm not leaving until you are or you make me.
[ His Omen, granted, had never seen Wrench like this. They had only known one another for such a small amount of time. It didn't know what to do or how to help it only knew that something was going wrong and it could feel that something was getting worse but was again unsure how to stop it. Though it knew a few things, just by nature of being connected to him. And it could tell that Sharon was upset, too. But it, like Reggie, was awkward. ]
Iβ [ the omen sputtered out, trying to think of what else to say. Wrench on the other hand was trying so hard to get a grasp over whatever the fuck it was that was happening to him. Felt hard to breath, and there was a crackling under his skin like his wiring was malfunctioning (and he didn't actually have wiring!). Snaps of electricity; his fucking brain was overclocking maybe or. Everything felt tight. And hot. And he was so angry. About everything, about fucking everything.
Should his omen share what he knew? It didn't want to betray... ] you couldn't have known, but I think its a trigger because... well, because there's a reason he wears that mask. [ His omen is absolutely skittering away from the scene because it is not stupid and has some semblance of life preservation. ] his anxiety and paranoia aren't things he can just stop having, you see? i feel he might have misheard what you were intending to say. a lot of people with mental illness hear that, don't they? "just get better". but its this anxiety that makes him feel weak. and someβ [ other things...
Oh, no. That definitely got Wrench to turn around. With Lady in hand. He had been, perhaps, quietly panicking. And he looked really unwell. His skin almost looked... leathery and charred, as if his outfit had become his skin. display corrupted; voice corrupted. yes, his omen was right. that was exactly what he heard. 'get over it'. ] you shut the fuck up before i hammer you out of existence. And you.
[ coward. coward. go on and run away, run away. hide until it's all over. he looked at the door. then at sharon. cannot believe that he didn't add another exit. AGAIN. the dumbest fucking smart person in the whole god damn universe. that's him. fucking stupid beyond belief. ] don't fucking corner me Sharon.
[ the little omen helps put things into perspective for her. she hadn't considered that her words would be taken that way but hearing it...? shit. yep. big fat mouth sharon. but then wrench lashes out, snaps first at his omen and then at her. it puts her into a defensive mindset, teeth snapping shut at the bitterness coiled within them.
it doesn't startle her, though. she doesn't jump or flinch but instead just crosses her arms. the corruption has changed him, twisted even his clothing and skin, but she knows now she needs to be careful. the further along in corruption, the more dangerous people tend to get. ]
Or what, Wrench? [ her eyes drop to lady, gives a shrug, and then draws her gaze back up to wrench's mask ] You're dealing with corruption. It seems pretty far along. I won't be leaving your side unless you make me.
[ fingers gripped the handle of his hammer but he couldn't make himself move just yet. it felt like his heart was in his throat and he wanted to both take a swing and flee at the same time. wrench stood there, his muscles tight and ready to engage at a seconds notice. watching. those glitching X's only moved just enough to suggest that he was quietly analyzing the situation.
sharon was also a coldblood and had a better handle of her abilities. he barely had any grip on his, but lady still held a charge with or without him adding anything. could get messy. he'd be useless against someone who had powers they could handle well; he was useless against people without his weapons in general most of the time. or just useless in fucking general.
and on and on it went; the thinking, the downward spiral, the loathing. maybe he didn't care. maybe he didn't fuckin care, he didn't fucking care. maybe he wanted to die; maybe that's why he thought jinx did what she did. and maybe he fucking should.
fuck it.
fuck it.
the crackling of electricity powering up and snapping was heard as that green grow in head of his hammer lit up bright and vibrated all around it. last chance? nah. Wrench launched right at her. ]
[ the one time she's not carrying her weapons and in a goddamn sundress. he rushes her, the hammer in his hands crackling with electricity, but sharon doesn't scramble out of the way. no, she meets him head-on. without a weapon to block him, though, she has to resort to using telekinesis.
if he swings the hammer, it'll be met with an invisible shield and he'll feel a force pressing against him, shoving him back as she tries to move forward. she's got more than just fire at her fingertips, wrench. ] Come on then! [ adrenaline rushing, heart humming. there's a wildness to her at this moment. ] Get it the fuck out, Wrench!
[ wrench was violent, yes. he could get too heated too quickly but he'd never attack a friend just because they had a fucking misunderstanding. arguments, sure. this was something else. this wasn't him, but the emotions that bubbled up beneath these actions were more real than he'd have any desire to admit. that corruption fueled his momentum. it manifested itself in rage but the core of it was paranoia, and grief, and disgust.
in this fucking world. in his fucking self.
He sure did hit that wall. and hard. lady sent green streaks of electricity through the air as he tumbled back like the mess he was. wrench was a sloppy fighter. all passion, very little skill when it came to hand-to-hand, at least. typically he used the element of surprise. and he's quick. no one expects a skinny motherfucker to grab someone by the scruff of their neck and headbutt their nose into their skull. it got the job done against the average person. sharon? not so average. wrench? not thinking about a damn thing right now so what did it matter anyway?
enemy. enemy was what he saw. couldn't trust her. couldn't trust anyone. everyone was against him, using him, bleeding him and looking for weaknesses. cause he was weak; but he'd show her. he'd show fucking everyone. he got back up on his feet like it was nothing, grabbed two flash bombs from the table nearby, and followed up with another attack. looking to use this flash to distract, sweep her off her feet. not in the fun way. ]
[ she feels a splash of concern when he hits the wall and prays this is it. he's had his blow-up, he's attacked her, let this be it but he's a quick fucker and on his feet before she knows it. she barely realizes what's happened when one of the bombs goes off, momentarily blinded, and by the time she understands, it's too late.
her legs get swept out from under her and she hits the floor. head crackingly hard. her vision swims. but she's been training for moments like this. even dazed, she finds a way to scramble backward, pushing with her hands and legs. when he moves towards her, she throws up one hand, visually defensive, but fire blooms between them. coiling and curling. the heat isn't unbearable, he's a coldblood, but it's a threat. temperature might not affect him but the heat will still cook him. ]
[ fire works. fire works really well. wrench skitters back just as quick as he'd gotten onto his feet again. that cold wave of panic even had him drop lady. he thought better than this; he reacted better than this. yet here he was backed up into a literal corner. almost exactly where he started.
his omen skittered between sharon and wrench. even if it didn't say anything, its movements spoke clear enough. what should it do? what should it do??? it was just a fucking spider. it's going to, oh. lady. it's just going to start lugging lady away from wrench's sightline. ]
[ guilt hits her like a pile of bricks. or maybe that's just the pounding in her skull. she's rattled. the moment he's backed up, the fire flickers out of existence, leaving only the scent of its heat behind. she pushes herself to her feet. her world feels off-kilter but the hum of adrenaline turns it into a distant concern. right now is about wrench. ]
It's not your fault. [ she starts, though whatever gentleness existed in her prior to his lashing out has fled, leaving behind only an unignorable firmness. ] You're corrupted, Wrench. You'll lose yourself if you don't get it sorted and I won't let that happen. Even if I have to use a Moon Drop on you.
[ She has a few left from last year and this is a good reason to use one. They cleanse a person of Beasthood and corruption but often result in brief hallucinations and may feel Moon Presence inside their head. ]
[ So many things happening in his brain. So many thoughts happening in his brain. His body pushed itself all the way back and tucked in close to itself. What the fuck was he doing? All emotion, synapses rapid firing impulses without thought or reason. Just emotion. The firmness helped, though. It cut through the static and grounded him enough that Wrench pulled his head up to look at Sharon.
You'll lose yourself. An actual fear. One that was strong enough to make him squeak out a quiet sound. Right back to square one. Trying to get out full sentences but the words being caught in the back of his throat. ] How, Iβ can't breathe, and... [ His hands come up to his face where that mask had scorched into his skin. he can, he can breathe, its called a panic attack. ]
[ He's having a panic attack. Her sympathy for him grows and she takes a step towards him before she stops abruptly. She remembers back to her first real panic attack in this place; she remembers how wild and terrified she had been; how she tried to lash out. And she remembers what Peter did to calm her. ]
Hey, hey, look at me. [ She keeps her voice firm as she tries to get him to focus on her. ] Breathe with me. In. [ She takes a deep breath in and holds it for several seconds before she releases it slowly. ] Out.
[ Okay, okay. Okay, he's been here before well not here before. Not like this, what if this.. what if this is how he's going to be forever? That's an actual fear, that's a good fear, and this fucking place... this whole place in general. Did she just use fire? They have fucking MAGIC here? He's so out of place, nothing he knows matters here...
And so the thoughts continued to spin. Hitched short breaths and shaking hands. Holy shit, its like it all sunk in. Like it really sunk in. Like this isn't just a laugh, or a dream, he's been here for awhile now. This was real. Okay, okay Wrench. You can. You can do this... so he breathed. He listened. His body curled up tight in itself but he listened. Slow, his heart still racing but the thoughts gradually calmed, slowly calmed. Enough to have some clarity. Little by little coming back around... ]
[ In and Out. Sharon intones over and over in a rhythmic, practiced way. As she does, she moves a little closer and a little closer until she's just feet from him. She can see that he's coming back into himself. His brain is booting back up after a BSoD. ]
Can I hold your hand? [ She asks, holding her own out for him to take if he would like. For her, touch helped when she was in the middle of it. It helped ground her. It made her feel safe. ]
[ The glitching had stopped if only because he'd closed his eyes. Focused. On the breath, on just accepting that he was here and this was what it was... he guessed? No, he'd get there later. Right now, here, there was someone with him. A small nod came as he offered his hand. Patches of it had become leathered and worn but that was slowly seeming to recede.
And little by little, his heart slowed and the tightness around his mask eased up. It wasn't fully gone, and those thoughts still milled about, but one thing he knew was this: he could trust her. ]
[ She holds it tightly, thumb rubbing gently against the leathered patches of flesh. Everything she does is repetitive. Something he can focus on. Something to latch on to. ]
When I had my first panic attack here, I was shoved into a place that reminded me of the horrors I experienced back home. [ She's just talking to fill the space. To give him more to focus on beyond his breathing and the tightness of his chest and heart and skin. ] It was like my brain was working in overdrive. I was so fucking scared and I couldn't get ahold of myself. I tried but I was stuck. Trapped.
Luckily, someone found me. Peter found me. He guided me through it like I just did with you. Made me breathe in and out over and over until I could feel the air in my lungs and my brain was no longer a weird, buzzing mess of fear. [ A pause and she gives the hand she's holding a squeeze. ] I hope I've helped quiet the buzz in your brain.
[ Another pause. Another gentle squeeze. ] And I'm sorry for scaring you.
[ It helps. The predictable movement. Knowing he was here. It was real. Maybe that was part of the anxiety but he still had something, someone, to grab onto. Her voice, steady. Wrench swallowed the dry lump in his throat as he continued to breathe. ]
First time, huh? [ A joke, of course. Though an earnest question at the same time. Everything she described was exactly a panic attack. Had been awhile since he'd had one. Can't say he missed it. Wrench nodded. ] I'm sorry I tried to hit you with my hammer.
[ She responds to his joke with a gentle pinch even as she lets out a huff of laughter from her nose. It took over half a year for her to reach a point where she had a panic attack and it really challenged her. ]
No worries, you missed. [ As if she'd have responded differently if he'd hit her (she wouldn't have, she's joking, too). ] You could really fuck someone up with that, though. It's badass.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2023-05-23 08:38 pm (UTC)So? [ as if the revelation wasn't that big of a deal. as if it didn't bother her in the slightest. she even shrugs her shoulders. ] Funny thing about that is... if you think you're a weak person, you can change that.
[ she reaches to take one of his shaking hands. ] You don't have to be weak, though I have a feeling you're not as weak as you think you are.
no subject
Date: 2023-05-23 08:58 pm (UTC)I did. [ His demeanor seemed... how to say? Detached, maybe. No, angry. That kind of familiar anger that happened to cover up the wounds. Fuck Reggie. Maybe he's done with being him for good. He'll walk back to a workbench. Fuck around with something he'd been working on like it mattered any. ] I made Wrench. [ A beat. ] You should leave before I say or do things I regret.
no subject
Date: 2023-05-23 10:42 pm (UTC)She watches his back as he fiddles away at his workbench, throat suddenly tight. Uncertain of what to say. Whether she should fight him on this or not. His omen had been worried and... Fucking hell, Da Silva. ]
No. [ She finally grinds out the word, voice thick with concern. ] You're not doing well and I'm not leaving until you are or you make me.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-06 04:40 pm (UTC)Iβ [ the omen sputtered out, trying to think of what else to say. Wrench on the other hand was trying so hard to get a grasp over whatever the fuck it was that was happening to him. Felt hard to breath, and there was a crackling under his skin like his wiring was malfunctioning (and he didn't actually have wiring!). Snaps of electricity; his fucking brain was overclocking maybe or. Everything felt tight. And hot. And he was so angry. About everything, about fucking everything.
Should his omen share what he knew? It didn't want to betray... ] you couldn't have known, but I think its a trigger because... well, because there's a reason he wears that mask. [ His omen is absolutely skittering away from the scene because it is not stupid and has some semblance of life preservation. ] his anxiety and paranoia aren't things he can just stop having, you see? i feel he might have misheard what you were intending to say. a lot of people with mental illness hear that, don't they? "just get better". but its this anxiety that makes him feel weak. and someβ [ other things...
Oh, no. That definitely got Wrench to turn around. With Lady in hand. He had been, perhaps, quietly panicking. And he looked really unwell. His skin almost looked... leathery and charred, as if his outfit had become his skin. display corrupted; voice corrupted. yes, his omen was right. that was exactly what he heard. 'get over it'. ] you shut the fuck up before i hammer you out of existence. And you.
[ coward. coward. go on and run away, run away. hide until it's all over. he looked at the door. then at sharon. cannot believe that he didn't add another exit. AGAIN. the dumbest fucking smart person in the whole god damn universe. that's him. fucking stupid beyond belief. ] don't fucking corner me Sharon.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-06 11:01 pm (UTC)it doesn't startle her, though. she doesn't jump or flinch but instead just crosses her arms. the corruption has changed him, twisted even his clothing and skin, but she knows now she needs to be careful. the further along in corruption, the more dangerous people tend to get. ]
Or what, Wrench? [ her eyes drop to lady, gives a shrug, and then draws her gaze back up to wrench's mask ] You're dealing with corruption. It seems pretty far along. I won't be leaving your side unless you make me.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-07 03:27 am (UTC)sharon was also a coldblood and had a better handle of her abilities. he barely had any grip on his, but lady still held a charge with or without him adding anything. could get messy. he'd be useless against someone who had powers they could handle well; he was useless against people without his weapons in general most of the time. or just useless in fucking general.
and on and on it went; the thinking, the downward spiral, the loathing. maybe he didn't care. maybe he didn't fuckin care, he didn't fucking care. maybe he wanted to die; maybe that's why he thought jinx did what she did. and maybe he fucking should.
fuck it.
fuck it.
the crackling of electricity powering up and snapping was heard as that green grow in head of his hammer lit up bright and vibrated all around it. last chance? nah. Wrench launched right at her. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-07 06:28 pm (UTC)if he swings the hammer, it'll be met with an invisible shield and he'll feel a force pressing against him, shoving him back as she tries to move forward. she's got more than just fire at her fingertips, wrench. ] Come on then! [ adrenaline rushing, heart humming. there's a wildness to her at this moment. ] Get it the fuck out, Wrench!
no subject
Date: 2023-06-07 11:13 pm (UTC)in this fucking world. in his fucking self.
He sure did hit that wall. and hard. lady sent green streaks of electricity through the air as he tumbled back like the mess he was. wrench was a sloppy fighter. all passion, very little skill when it came to hand-to-hand, at least. typically he used the element of surprise. and he's quick. no one expects a skinny motherfucker to grab someone by the scruff of their neck and headbutt their nose into their skull. it got the job done against the average person. sharon? not so average. wrench? not thinking about a damn thing right now so what did it matter anyway?
enemy. enemy was what he saw. couldn't trust her. couldn't trust anyone. everyone was against him, using him, bleeding him and looking for weaknesses. cause he was weak; but he'd show her. he'd show fucking everyone. he got back up on his feet like it was nothing, grabbed two flash bombs from the table nearby, and followed up with another attack. looking to use this flash to distract, sweep her off her feet. not in the fun way. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-08 02:24 am (UTC)her legs get swept out from under her and she hits the floor. head crackingly hard. her vision swims. but she's been training for moments like this. even dazed, she finds a way to scramble backward, pushing with her hands and legs. when he moves towards her, she throws up one hand, visually defensive, but fire blooms between them. coiling and curling. the heat isn't unbearable, he's a coldblood, but it's a threat. temperature might not affect him but the heat will still cook him. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-08 04:20 pm (UTC)his omen skittered between sharon and wrench. even if it didn't say anything, its movements spoke clear enough. what should it do? what should it do??? it was just a fucking spider. it's going to, oh. lady. it's just going to start lugging lady away from wrench's sightline. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-08 06:25 pm (UTC)It's not your fault. [ she starts, though whatever gentleness existed in her prior to his lashing out has fled, leaving behind only an unignorable firmness. ] You're corrupted, Wrench. You'll lose yourself if you don't get it sorted and I won't let that happen. Even if I have to use a Moon Drop on you.
[ She has a few left from last year and this is a good reason to use one. They cleanse a person of Beasthood and corruption but often result in brief hallucinations and may feel Moon Presence inside their head. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-11 10:32 pm (UTC)You'll lose yourself. An actual fear. One that was strong enough to make him squeak out a quiet sound. Right back to square one. Trying to get out full sentences but the words being caught in the back of his throat. ] How, Iβ can't breathe, and... [ His hands come up to his face where that mask had scorched into his skin. he can, he can breathe, its called a panic attack. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 07:35 pm (UTC)Hey, hey, look at me. [ She keeps her voice firm as she tries to get him to focus on her. ] Breathe with me. In. [ She takes a deep breath in and holds it for several seconds before she releases it slowly. ] Out.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-15 01:01 pm (UTC)And so the thoughts continued to spin. Hitched short breaths and shaking hands. Holy shit, its like it all sunk in. Like it really sunk in. Like this isn't just a laugh, or a dream, he's been here for awhile now. This was real. Okay, okay Wrench. You can. You can do this... so he breathed. He listened. His body curled up tight in itself but he listened. Slow, his heart still racing but the thoughts gradually calmed, slowly calmed. Enough to have some clarity. Little by little coming back around... ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-15 06:39 pm (UTC)Can I hold your hand? [ She asks, holding her own out for him to take if he would like. For her, touch helped when she was in the middle of it. It helped ground her. It made her feel safe. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-17 01:43 am (UTC)And little by little, his heart slowed and the tightness around his mask eased up. It wasn't fully gone, and those thoughts still milled about, but one thing he knew was this: he could trust her. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-06-17 10:58 pm (UTC)When I had my first panic attack here, I was shoved into a place that reminded me of the horrors I experienced back home. [ She's just talking to fill the space. To give him more to focus on beyond his breathing and the tightness of his chest and heart and skin. ] It was like my brain was working in overdrive. I was so fucking scared and I couldn't get ahold of myself. I tried but I was stuck. Trapped.
Luckily, someone found me. Peter found me. He guided me through it like I just did with you. Made me breathe in and out over and over until I could feel the air in my lungs and my brain was no longer a weird, buzzing mess of fear. [ A pause and she gives the hand she's holding a squeeze. ] I hope I've helped quiet the buzz in your brain.
[ Another pause. Another gentle squeeze. ] And I'm sorry for scaring you.
no subject
Date: 2023-06-29 01:43 am (UTC)First time, huh? [ A joke, of course. Though an earnest question at the same time. Everything she described was exactly a panic attack. Had been awhile since he'd had one. Can't say he missed it. Wrench nodded. ] I'm sorry I tried to hit you with my hammer.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-02 09:59 pm (UTC)No worries, you missed. [ As if she'd have responded differently if he'd hit her (she wouldn't have, she's joking, too). ] You could really fuck someone up with that, though. It's badass.