[ So many things happening in his brain. So many thoughts happening in his brain. His body pushed itself all the way back and tucked in close to itself. What the fuck was he doing? All emotion, synapses rapid firing impulses without thought or reason. Just emotion. The firmness helped, though. It cut through the static and grounded him enough that Wrench pulled his head up to look at Sharon.
You'll lose yourself. An actual fear. One that was strong enough to make him squeak out a quiet sound. Right back to square one. Trying to get out full sentences but the words being caught in the back of his throat. ] How, Iβ can't breathe, and... [ His hands come up to his face where that mask had scorched into his skin. he can, he can breathe, its called a panic attack. ]
[ He's having a panic attack. Her sympathy for him grows and she takes a step towards him before she stops abruptly. She remembers back to her first real panic attack in this place; she remembers how wild and terrified she had been; how she tried to lash out. And she remembers what Peter did to calm her. ]
Hey, hey, look at me. [ She keeps her voice firm as she tries to get him to focus on her. ] Breathe with me. In. [ She takes a deep breath in and holds it for several seconds before she releases it slowly. ] Out.
[ Okay, okay. Okay, he's been here before well not here before. Not like this, what if this.. what if this is how he's going to be forever? That's an actual fear, that's a good fear, and this fucking place... this whole place in general. Did she just use fire? They have fucking MAGIC here? He's so out of place, nothing he knows matters here...
And so the thoughts continued to spin. Hitched short breaths and shaking hands. Holy shit, its like it all sunk in. Like it really sunk in. Like this isn't just a laugh, or a dream, he's been here for awhile now. This was real. Okay, okay Wrench. You can. You can do this... so he breathed. He listened. His body curled up tight in itself but he listened. Slow, his heart still racing but the thoughts gradually calmed, slowly calmed. Enough to have some clarity. Little by little coming back around... ]
[ In and Out. Sharon intones over and over in a rhythmic, practiced way. As she does, she moves a little closer and a little closer until she's just feet from him. She can see that he's coming back into himself. His brain is booting back up after a BSoD. ]
Can I hold your hand? [ She asks, holding her own out for him to take if he would like. For her, touch helped when she was in the middle of it. It helped ground her. It made her feel safe. ]
[ The glitching had stopped if only because he'd closed his eyes. Focused. On the breath, on just accepting that he was here and this was what it was... he guessed? No, he'd get there later. Right now, here, there was someone with him. A small nod came as he offered his hand. Patches of it had become leathered and worn but that was slowly seeming to recede.
And little by little, his heart slowed and the tightness around his mask eased up. It wasn't fully gone, and those thoughts still milled about, but one thing he knew was this: he could trust her. ]
[ She holds it tightly, thumb rubbing gently against the leathered patches of flesh. Everything she does is repetitive. Something he can focus on. Something to latch on to. ]
When I had my first panic attack here, I was shoved into a place that reminded me of the horrors I experienced back home. [ She's just talking to fill the space. To give him more to focus on beyond his breathing and the tightness of his chest and heart and skin. ] It was like my brain was working in overdrive. I was so fucking scared and I couldn't get ahold of myself. I tried but I was stuck. Trapped.
Luckily, someone found me. Peter found me. He guided me through it like I just did with you. Made me breathe in and out over and over until I could feel the air in my lungs and my brain was no longer a weird, buzzing mess of fear. [ A pause and she gives the hand she's holding a squeeze. ] I hope I've helped quiet the buzz in your brain.
[ Another pause. Another gentle squeeze. ] And I'm sorry for scaring you.
[ It helps. The predictable movement. Knowing he was here. It was real. Maybe that was part of the anxiety but he still had something, someone, to grab onto. Her voice, steady. Wrench swallowed the dry lump in his throat as he continued to breathe. ]
First time, huh? [ A joke, of course. Though an earnest question at the same time. Everything she described was exactly a panic attack. Had been awhile since he'd had one. Can't say he missed it. Wrench nodded. ] I'm sorry I tried to hit you with my hammer.
[ She responds to his joke with a gentle pinch even as she lets out a huff of laughter from her nose. It took over half a year for her to reach a point where she had a panic attack and it really challenged her. ]
No worries, you missed. [ As if she'd have responded differently if he'd hit her (she wouldn't have, she's joking, too). ] You could really fuck someone up with that, though. It's badass.
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wrenchedup) wrote2033-11-30 01:20 am
no subject
You'll lose yourself. An actual fear. One that was strong enough to make him squeak out a quiet sound. Right back to square one. Trying to get out full sentences but the words being caught in the back of his throat. ] How, Iβ can't breathe, and... [ His hands come up to his face where that mask had scorched into his skin. he can, he can breathe, its called a panic attack. ]
no subject
Hey, hey, look at me. [ She keeps her voice firm as she tries to get him to focus on her. ] Breathe with me. In. [ She takes a deep breath in and holds it for several seconds before she releases it slowly. ] Out.
no subject
And so the thoughts continued to spin. Hitched short breaths and shaking hands. Holy shit, its like it all sunk in. Like it really sunk in. Like this isn't just a laugh, or a dream, he's been here for awhile now. This was real. Okay, okay Wrench. You can. You can do this... so he breathed. He listened. His body curled up tight in itself but he listened. Slow, his heart still racing but the thoughts gradually calmed, slowly calmed. Enough to have some clarity. Little by little coming back around... ]
no subject
Can I hold your hand? [ She asks, holding her own out for him to take if he would like. For her, touch helped when she was in the middle of it. It helped ground her. It made her feel safe. ]
no subject
And little by little, his heart slowed and the tightness around his mask eased up. It wasn't fully gone, and those thoughts still milled about, but one thing he knew was this: he could trust her. ]
no subject
When I had my first panic attack here, I was shoved into a place that reminded me of the horrors I experienced back home. [ She's just talking to fill the space. To give him more to focus on beyond his breathing and the tightness of his chest and heart and skin. ] It was like my brain was working in overdrive. I was so fucking scared and I couldn't get ahold of myself. I tried but I was stuck. Trapped.
Luckily, someone found me. Peter found me. He guided me through it like I just did with you. Made me breathe in and out over and over until I could feel the air in my lungs and my brain was no longer a weird, buzzing mess of fear. [ A pause and she gives the hand she's holding a squeeze. ] I hope I've helped quiet the buzz in your brain.
[ Another pause. Another gentle squeeze. ] And I'm sorry for scaring you.
no subject
First time, huh? [ A joke, of course. Though an earnest question at the same time. Everything she described was exactly a panic attack. Had been awhile since he'd had one. Can't say he missed it. Wrench nodded. ] I'm sorry I tried to hit you with my hammer.
no subject
No worries, you missed. [ As if she'd have responded differently if he'd hit her (she wouldn't have, she's joking, too). ] You could really fuck someone up with that, though. It's badass.